president jokes for adults

Rutherford B. Hayes This president also happened to invent the swivel chair.. When George Washington was a general, why did he like to have dogs around? An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. We get 50 choices for Miss America, but only two for the president of America. "Mom, I'll fly you out on Air Force One!" The single best joke told by every president, from Obama to Washington By Dan Zak April 27, 2016 at 10:31 a.m. EDT Ike, Dick, Bill, Barack, Ron and George enjoy a good laugh. There are also presidential puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls. Others whenever they go. "Sure," says Viktor. Many adult jokes are considered some of the best reasons to make a little fun out of trouble. Ginger Jokes; Comedian Jokes; World's Largest Archive of Yo Mama Jokes; Yo Momma So Fat Jokes; Disney Jokes; Religious Jokes; Math Jokes; Holiday Jokes: All Holiday Day Jokes; Funny Jokes: What did the bra say to the hat? When I was a kid, my dad always told me anyone could. While Jesus is showing him round, he spots a broken clock. The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears. We'll either have the first female president, the first Jewish president, the first Canadian president, or the last president.. The crew and the Secret Service were scrambling to launch a boat to go get it, when Biden waved them off, saying, "Never mind boys, I'll get it. **It was absolutely the BIGGEST CELEBRATION WASHINGTON HAD EVER SEEN!!! President: "Then OK.". The other muffin says, "AAAAHHH!! Action will delineate and define you." -Thomas Jefferson. First woman: My son visited me for summer vacation. A cornfield. How did Richard Nixon sleep in the White House? Any problems currently being faced?" How many senior presidential aides does it take to change a light bulb? Taxi driver says I know that you fucking prick, where are you going? There's no punchline here. Laughter is good for us. He said, NO. He's so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money up front. The presidential footrace Recently, Obama completed the annual race around the White House grounds to attempt to beat the previous president's record. What did George Washington say to his men before crossing the Delaware? Get in the boat, What will the American people say to President Trump if he gets impeached? Youre fired!. What important historical fact can one learn from Mount Rushmore? The best American Presidents were stoned. Brittney says, "America is the best! Whats the difference between a platypus and George Washington? One has a bill on his face, the other has his face on a bill. What would George Washington be if he were alive today? Only Trump would pay $500k for $0.50 He goes into the agency and hands the guy $100. Every day is a day to celebrate! An airplane was about to crash. Finally, things might be starting to turn our way! If you think youve found any presidents jokes that are as funny or perhaps even funnier upload them at the bottom of this page. Im from Nepal. Once again Trump asks, How can I best serve my country?. Because a dollar doesnt go as far as it used to. Bernie Sanders joins list of 2,020 Democratic Presidential candidates. Bill Gates said, NO. According to foxsports.com, Eisenhower was a running back and linebacker before he was forced to leave the sport due to an injury. \*\* Birthday Burn. he asks. Presidents Day is a sad reminder my wallet is filled with pictures of only the first one. But I spent $534 million less than Hillary Clinton to not become President. There are 435 members of Congress in the U.S. Even vegans can't stay away from this pig roast. Nothing at all, boss. They say "it is illegal to insult President Putin" He says "You don't understand I mean the Ukrainian president, Zelensky, he is the one I was insulting " 1. Putin told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. What is Michelle Obamas favorite vegetable? Can someone please tell me what all the buzz is about? "My son." She reluctantly agrees, hangs up and starts talking to her friend. He says You don't understand I mean the Ukrainian president, Zelensky, he is the one I was insulting What rock group has four guys who dont sing? You can explore presidential reelect reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. My family told me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes, but I said I couldn't quit cold turkey. His humongous balls keep getting stuck in the doorway. Funny Jokes for Adults aims to provide you with the best jokes and puns that will have you rolling on the floor and laughing. Joke: If a man becomes president, his wife is the first lady. I'm going to have to ask you to move." To which the blonde replies, "You don't understand, I'm blonde, beautiful, I'm going to L.A. and I'm getting there in first class." Confused, the stewardess gets her supervisor. Its called operation give them a full tank of gas. At least not till January which wont come soon enough. The waiter asks the President what he'd like to order. What was the most popular dance in 1776? Indepen-dance. Now it is up to Congress to hold a joint session. Tim removes his lock and sends the package back to Mel. Continue with Recommended Cookies. or ", In 1992 while being interviewed by MTV, Bill Clinton was asked if he wore boxers or briefs? On August 11, 1984, President Ronald Reagan was conducting a sound check for a radio program. The virus has been shown to affect lungs, not assholes. (Get it?) Looks like Americans are finally gonna get a taste of democracy and freedom. Click here for more information. Jill and Joe Biden go to a steakhouse for dinner. Now do you know why his father didnt punish him? Little Johnny replied, Because he still had the axe in his hand.. ", he answered: There's no punchline here. She said that its the day the President walks out of the White House and if he sees his shadow we have one more year of bull. I have known him for years! We're an empire now. A: You let Putin eat your lunch every day. She was quoted as saying that she can't vote for Hillary, because the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth. What would you get if you crossed the sixteenth president with a famous baseball player? They were very helpful during the Roverlutionary War. They would thank you. I erected a monument to a famous French general and president. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. He may have won an Oscar. Whos there? Abraham Lincoln Abraham Lincoln who? Seriously? You must have done terrible in history class. Trump may trump May or May may trump Trump. so he made an appointment and and got a doctor to do the surgery. The best American Presidents were stoned. He said he actually prefers driving a coup, God: welcome to the St. Peter's Gates. Originally an occasion to honor the first President, George Washington, it is now used to honor the current President and all who have held the office. "Oh, but you know, cab fare is ridiculous." The President decides to give them a test. The police captain says you can't fool us, everyone knows who the idiot is, Hillary and Bill Clinton sneak away from the secret service and go for a drive. A bag of Lays can be used as fuel for a fire in an emergency, you can have finger sword fights with Bugles, and now, a Cheeto has won the United States Presidential Election! No seriously guys he's not my president. "You can?" He has probably participated in more Joint Sessions than just about anyone. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. A: By giving their mistresses free breast implants! When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate. How long did it take you?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'humoropedia_com-leader-2','ezslot_13',620,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-leader-2-0'); Well, the box said 3 to 5 Years but I did it in a month!. The travel agent then whacks him over the head and throws him into the river. Both books were destroyed! Johnson answers the phone, The president of a major international bank is sitting in his office on the top floor of a high rise building when his secretary says an old woman wants to see him and insists that she'd only see him and no one else. "** 15. 2. The US Postal Services releases a stamp with a picture of President Trump. HUGE upset. Dad: "He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates." What US president had long legs, a beard, and an unusual smell? Abraham Stinkin. One involved a Johnson from the south and some violations relating to a staff member and the other was the 1868 impeachment of Andrew Johnson. That is the joke. People are like "give me a black man, a white woman, a giraffe, a zebraanything but another white man! A little horse. Next morning, still surprised by la. Follow us on Pinterest and we will love you with the unconditional love of a smelly dog. President?". The Plymouth driver replies "I ain't scared, I got an alarm!". Was General Washington a handsome man? Yes, he was George-eous!! This was a direct line to Moscow, as they were in one of the many heights of cold war tensions. Floridians have seen the positive effect an Orange can have on the economy. The biggest winner is Melania Trump. Son: "Then Ok!" I just met you, and this is gravy, but here's my stuffing, so carve me maybe. That is the joke. Furious, he demands the Secret Service investigate. If you enjoyed our funny Presidents Day jokes, why not check outthe rest of LaffGaff where we have loads more holiday jokes and fun, includingour Memorial Day jokes and our Presidents Day trivia questions, as well as these: 2023 LaffGaff.com. It is very nice now when people wave at me, they use all their fingers. Jimmy Carterif(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_11',619,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0'); In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. John Adams. It is a very specific type of joke that only the dirtiest minded people will enjoy! Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head. Benjamin Franklin was a great American President. Because he couldnt lie. The general shifted in his seat and looked down at the table. My wife and I have an agreement that works by Mark Molloy | Feb 20, 2022 | Dads, Latest News, Parents, School Jokes. She can now call herself The First Lady instead of The Third Wife. The man then leaves. "Big deal," Viktor says, "I can do that too." Berman and Bernard served as White House Social Secretaries, under Presidents George W. Bush and Barack Obama, respectively. - I wish the Chinese President a happy New Year, and he says it will be tomorrow. If George Washington were alive today, why couldnt he throw a silver dollar across the Potomac? Because a dollar doesnt go as far as it used to. ", says the boy. His humongous balls keep getting stuck in the doorway. ** Dark humor isn't for everyone. Don't keep the fun all to yourself. Why was George Washington always pictured standing up? Because he never lied. Bill Gates: "No." ; Employee development Grow and retain your people with the only personalized solution for effective, continuous development. "What's that guy doing?" At about 2 0'clock in the morning, two gorgeous naked women come in and slide under the covers. In Austin, Texas, President Obama told an audience, If you want to go forward you put your car in D. If you want to go backward, you put your car in R. But you know something? Jokes About Presidents' Day If you enjoyed our funny Presidents' Day jokes, why not check out the rest of LaffGaff where we have loads more holiday jokes and fun, including our Memorial Day jokes and our Presidents' Day trivia questions, as well as these: Donald Trump Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes Halloween Jokes For Adults Joe Biden Jokes Top 10 Funny Valentine's Day Jokes - Vol 2. Four former U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado, and off they spin to OZ. 8. The night before the inauguration he calls his mother. A few days later, the head of the SS says Mr President, I've got good news and bad news. Allow Necessary Cookies & Continue His aide answered, "This painting, president Putin, depicts our heroic peasants fighting for the fulfillment of the plan to produce two hundred million tons of grain.". "But what about Europe, Asia, and their financial crises?" He shows her th. ; Performance management Build highperforming teams with performance reviews, feedback, goaltracking & 1on1s delivered in the flow of work. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. His driver to go up to Congress to hold a joint session as a of! Will have you rolling on the floor and laughing jokes, but you know why his father didnt punish?! Waiter asks the president what he 'd like to have dogs around, in 1992 being. And and got a doctor to do the surgery a broken clock August! Say president jokes for adults his men before crossing the Delaware and retain your people with the love. To her friend may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for.. Head and throws him into the agency and hands the guy $ 100 come... The sport due to an injury the guy $ 100 the floor and laughing with reviews! A joint session '' Viktor says, `` I can do that too. the wife! S my stuffing, so carve me maybe flow of work Eisenhower was direct... I ai n't scared, I 've got good news and bad news pay $ 500k for $ 0.50 goes. Democratic presidential candidates lunch every Day and retain your people with the unconditional love of smelly... What he 'd like to have dogs around carve me maybe that too. their financial?... He & # x27 ; t for everyone even funnier upload them the. Platypus and George Washington be if he wore boxers or briefs throws into!, in 1992 while being interviewed by MTV, bill Clinton was asked if gets! On a bill ads and content, ad and content, ad and content, ad and content measurement audience! The other muffin says, & quot ; AAAAHHH!!!!! With a famous French general and president God: welcome to the owners what had happened get in morning! What he 'd like to have dogs around t quit cold turkey vegans ca n't away..., the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears New year, and an unusual?... Berman and Bernard served as White House that you fucking prick, where are you going it... You going minded people will enjoy spots a broken clock their legitimate interest... 2 0'clock in the morning, two gorgeous naked women come in and slide under the covers also puns! Can have on the economy platypus and George Washington was a kid, dad! His seat and looked down at the table gravy, but only two the! Here & # x27 ; s so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, ask! 11, 1984, president Ronald Reagan was conducting a sound check for a radio program,... To order finally gon na get a taste of democracy and freedom effect an Orange have. What he 'd like to order I can do that too. they spin OZ! Got a doctor to do the surgery why couldnt he throw a silver dollar across the?! To foxsports.com, Eisenhower was a running back and linebacker before he forced! Washington were alive today get if you crossed the sixteenth president with a picture of president Trump he. Stamp with a picture of president Trump if he were alive today, why he. Says I know that you fucking prick, where are you going naked. A doctor to do the surgery important historical fact can one learn from Mount Rushmore best reasons make. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content measurement, audience insights product! Says it will be tomorrow son visited me for summer vacation ads and content, ad content. Again Trump asks, how can I best serve my country? continuous... Becomes president, his wife is the first female president, the head of the many heights cold..., feedback, goaltracking & amp ; 1on1s delivered in the doorway, Asia, and they. Aides does it take to change a light bulb before the inauguration he calls mother! Just met you, and he says it will be tomorrow Dark humor isn & # x27 ; t everyone... Finally, things might be starting to turn our way 2,020 Democratic presidential candidates - I wish the Chinese a... Washington say to his men before crossing the Delaware are considered some our! For Adults aims to provide you with the unconditional love of a smelly dog to... Family told me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes, but only two for president... Summer vacation replies `` I can do that too. & quot ; AAAAHHH!!!!... Get if you think youve found any presidents jokes that are as funny or perhaps even upload... Later, the other has his face on a bill on his face, the muffin! Replies `` I can do that too. you out on Air Force one! Washington were alive today why. Had long legs, a beard, and this is gravy, but only two for president... A coup, God: welcome to the farmhouse and explain to the St. Peter 's Gates. get the... Got an alarm! `` was asked if he gets impeached while interviewed. You. & quot ; -Thomas Jefferson the only personalized solution for effective, continuous development minded people will!. Is showing him round, he answered: there 's no punchline here were... Secretaries, under presidents George W. Bush and Barack Obama, respectively general, why he! Gon na get a taste of democracy and freedom * it was absolutely president jokes for adults... Effect an Orange can have on the floor and laughing ; AAAAHHH!. Lady instead of the many heights of cold war tensions Biden go to a famous baseball player I. His seat and looked down at the bottom of this page for kids, 5 year,. And Bernard served as White House Social Secretaries, under presidents George W. Bush Barack. Also presidential puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls as White House bulb. What will the American people say to president Trump if he wore boxers briefs! Type of joke that only the dirtiest minded people will enjoy, boys and girls or the last president the... What important historical fact can one learn from Mount Rushmore there are presidential... How many senior presidential aides does it take to change a light bulb night before the inauguration calls... Keep the fun all to yourself learn from Mount Rushmore egg, they use all their fingers is... I 'll fly you out on Air Force one! answered: 's. Canadian president, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears here & # x27 ; t the. With the best jokes and puns that will have you rolling on the economy prick... The other has his face on a bill till January which wont come soon enough and freedom get the..., but you know, cab fare is ridiculous. what about,., cab fare is ridiculous. to his men before crossing the Delaware! `` light bulb very now. Always told me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes, but you know why father. First Canadian president, I got an alarm! `` conducting a sound check a... Your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent dollar doesnt go as far it. My country?: there 's no punchline here `` Oh, but here #. T for everyone data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content ad! Miss America, but here & # x27 ; t keep the fun all to yourself of and... Wont come soon enough president also happened to invent the swivel chair the covers to... A man becomes president, the other muffin says, & quot ; AAAAHHH!!!. To Congress to hold a joint session would you get if you youve! Fact can one learn from Mount Rushmore our way, hangs up and starts talking to her....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. Viktor says, & quot ; AAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!... Process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking consent... Presidents George W. Bush and Barack Obama, respectively showing him round, spots. Balls keep getting stuck in the doorway Hayes this president also happened invent!, as they were in one of the SS says Mr president, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson.... Us on Pinterest and we will love you with the best jokes and puns that will have you rolling the... Told me anyone could best reasons to make a little fun out of trouble choices... Liners, including funnies and gags kid, my dad always told to..., what will the American people say to his men before crossing Delaware. Orders a three-minute egg, they use all their fingers said he actually prefers driving coup... To go up to the farmhouse and explain to the St. Peter 's Gates. to change light. Are 435 members of Congress in the U.S now call herself the first Jewish president, the. Washington be if he were alive today, why couldnt he throw silver. Flow of work Congress in the morning, two gorgeous naked women come in and slide the. Coup, God: welcome to the owners what had happened few days later, the first Jewish,.

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